A Song for My Father…
Me and dad when I was only 6.
I had this dream last night that I was back home in Alabama. It didn’t really look like home, but somehow I knew it was. There were no walls, just infinite space surrounding the clutter I sat on – clothes and furniture and things strewn about.
My dad was there sitting and talking, but not to anyone in particular. His image was faded and reduced… It’s like it was his ghost refusing to leave this world.
I felt so sad as I looked at him, and so I pleaded with him:
“Dad you’ve left this life! You have to go on the next. You can’t stay here.”
But it was like he couldn’t hear me. He was just a ghost, stuck in some limbo space, talking incessantly like he was known to do… Even his voice sounded like an old recording… like just a shadow of his rich bass-baritone voice that I miss hearing so much.
Finally, he sat staring off – his translucent image quite still – with an almost remorseful expression on his face.
Then he faded away
“Passed away” – why do we use that term? It is because they “passed” from this life? Because at least in the English language, it’s like he’s in the “past” now…
Back in July, just a few days after I found out he was gone, I decided to capture my feelings – some of the most intense emotions I’ve ever experienced – into music. So I sat down at the piano, pressed record on my computer, and played those keys and wept.
Here is the song I recorded, raw and from the moment – an improvisational composition – flaws and all.
This is beautiful!! Your piano playing is always very special, distinctive, and moving! IMHO it is what what sets you apart.
Oh, Dan! That means SO much coming from a songwriter and instrumentalist as talented and accomplished as you are. Thank you so much for the kind words. It’s a rough recording – but it was pure and raw and in the moment. So thank you
Beautiful!
Mom, I am SO glad you like it, especially. To me, it’s the saddest song I’ve ever composed, and will probably always bring me to tears.
Touchingly Beautiful Rebecca!
Thank you, Glenda! I miss you! Hope you make it back to the states soon!
It is beautiful. I’m sure your Dad is hearing it and knows it is coming from your broken heart but loves it.
Thank you, Carol! This has been the hardest thing I have ever endured. You know I canceled choir rehearsal last night, but I also ended up have THREE nightmares about my dad. Seriously, I have had barely one good night’s sleep in the last two weeks, since I got back from Alabama… been SO hard
Beautiful!
I can hear and feel your pain.
Thank you!! I have never had to endure something so painful, and I would never wish it on anyone, although we will all have to go through this to some degree…
Rebecca, What a beautiful expression of your grief. It is such an individual longing and sadness. You have expressed yourself in a way only you can do. Thank you for sharing.
Jerrye I so respect your opinion. Thank you for listening and thank you for this honest feedback. This has been the hardest trial of my life…
So beautiful it hurts.
Thank you, Artie! It has been hard to release…
Very moving composition. ♡
Thanks, girl. Been a hard journey…
Rebecca, You seem to be doing positive things for healing. First and foremost, accepting and sharing your feelings. I believe there is still a grief support group at the Franciscan Renewal Center on Lincoln Dr between Phoenix and Scottsdale that meets once a week. I found it helpful when I lost my late husband. Keep doing what seems to feel right and know you have a lot of prayers and positive thoughts from those of us who are fortunate enough to know you.
Thank you Jerrye! I was not aware of the grief support group at the Casa. I just may check that out. And I am definitely *trying* to do positive things, with varying degrees of success. 🙂
Hauntingly beautiful and filled with passion and love. Rebecca, your true heart is captured in this composition reflecting your pain in your father’s passing. God bless you my friend. May you find peace in this sad journey.
Thank you, Sandy
You made my heart melt…esa interpretacion y la forma en que abres tu corazon, en cada nota que tocas, es muy dificil no sentir lo apasionada que estabas en el momento. Y lo mucho que extrañas a tu papa.
Me encanta esta cancion, me atrevo a decir que es la favorita de todo lo que te he escuchado.
Me siento honrado de se amigo de una mujer tan talentosa como tu
Ay, Gabriel, ¿cómo puedo responder a estas palabras tan preciosas?? Mil gracias por escuchar y por compartir tu opinión y sentimiento. También estoy MUY agradecido y me siento honrado a tenerte como amigo. Eres un hermano y te quiero tanto.
Hauntingly beautiful. Moving from sadness into the edge of dawn of hope.
yes, you totally get it, Anita. Thank you for the kind words.
Dear, Rebecca. I think your Dad was knocking on my door today to finally open up your recording and listen to one of the most beautiful pieces of artful song literature I have ever experienced from your heart and spirit. It touched me and made me cry. Through it, I can sense the journey you took with your Dad, the ups and downs, and the beauty of each new day. Through your music, I can feel that he has taught you much, including your love for nature and those who struggle to know themselves and God. I love this piece of music and thank you for sharing it, raw and uncut, a true reflection of your love for him, the depth of your loss, and the beauty of his salvation won. I can’t help but love you even more as I let your music flow over me and take me to beautiful places yet unknown. May God bless you and all the wonders of your life ahead with Jorge and the magnificent ‘Bohemian Insurgence’.
Tony, your writing is always so thoughtful and eloquent. Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts. This has been the most trying thing to endure. People have told me it takes a good year to get through it… I believe them.
Rebecca,
What a beautiful, haunting and moving piece composed and played by you with
beauty, passion, love and loss.
Please let us all know when Baby Natalia makes her appearance , remarkable Rebecca!
In His love, Mary Meyers and Fred too.